Baby Jameson Needs a Kidney

No, it’s not a joke. It’s a need of a young family who are struggling with medical bills to give their son a chance. They are asking for donations, and anything will help. Please consider it and click on this link here:

https://www.gofundme.com/27wqjcc

Thank you for the consideration!

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Texas Chili Cook-Off

This is old, but I had to add it…

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE’S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy Shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I’m eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin’ Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN’S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: – – – – – Mama?- – – (Editor’s Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).

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Century Link and Bandwidth Exhaust…

Dear CenturyLink…

I would like to take the time to thank you for taking over providing DSL service from Embarq, and the upgrading the speed of the connection for my small town. Next time, though, it would be nice if you would consider upgrading your equipment to handle the extra load. As a network administrator, if I were to do something like that I would be fired, especially if I let it drag on for a few years with no hope in sight. But my town is not unique, is it? You seem far more concerned with increasing the bandwidth to 1 Gig in Vegas, rather than worry about the small areas and the 3ish Meg connections.

Are there any reliable Internet provides that would like some new customers? If it’s reliable I’m all yours.

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Good Bye Robin Williams

“You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin WilliamsNanu-nanu Robin, you were one of a kind. R.I.P.

RobinPaint

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A word about PayPal:

It's been a long time (about eight years) since I mentioned how much I detest PayPal, and how they do not support their clients…

First, they are not a lender – or they weren't. I guess they are now, with "Bill Me Later." My advice – stay away from that.

Second, they are not a bank, and they are not insured.

So… eight years ago, when I sold a laptop, using PayPal as the broker or esgrow service (not a bank or creditor), I expected to ship it and get my money from PayPal… which I did. Everything was fine until the dishonest buyer performed a chargeback on the transaction. His bank gave him his money back, PayPal didn't fight it, and they didn't ask him to return the laptop. He got a laptop for free! Luckily I withdrew the money first! 😛

And PayPal wants me, their client, to pay them back! LOL! I received a call from their attorney (one of them, I'm sure) eight years ago and I explained the situation, and told him it wasn't my problem, it's PayPal's problem for allowing that kind of scam to happen. I hadn't heard anything else… until now!

Eight. Years. Later. -.- A collection agency is trying to collect on it? LOL! Um… good luck. Not only is it a time barred debt that isn't mine (it's PayPal's), but the argument hasn't changed. It's still PayPal's problem. They still let their customers get scammed, and they don't fight for them. They don't ask questions. They don't care. For me, it was a successful transaction. Has I not withdrawn my money it would have been me that was scammed, not PayPal.

Just wanted those who use PayPal / Bill Me Later / Ebay to know what you're dealing with, from my experience. PayPal sucks if you get scammed.?

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April fools!?

April fools!?

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Google Nose BETA
The new scentsation in search. Coming to your senses: go beyond type, talk, and touch for a new notation of sensation. Your internet sommelier: expertly curated Knowledge Panels pair images, descripti…

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It's online safety day, so keep up!?

It's online safety day, so keep up!?

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Top 10 tips to keep your kids and teens safe online
Today is Safer Internet Day. And with 86% of 7-11 year olds and 96% of 11-19 year olds communicating online it’s important everyone knows how to stay safe. So here are some tips for you to pass on ……

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It was a nice day to computer plinking with the .22, since the temp was good, and…

It was a nice day to computer plinking with the .22, since the temp was good, and so were Timmy's grades! :)?

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Sometimes you make mistakes

Sometimes you break things.
Those things don't get fixed if you never attempt to do so.
In time those broken things can become incapable of being repaired.
If you make the attempt to repair them, they may be missing pieces, but at least you tried.?

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LOL? Did someone mix up the shipment of food aid with the shipment of (medical……

LOL? Did someone mix up the shipment of food aid with the shipment of (medical… yeah right) pot? Hey Charlie…..?

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North Korea claims discovery of ‘unicorn lair’
Unicorns exist and look no further than an ancient burial site in North Korea for proof, according to the latest bit of fantastic news to emerge from the secretive dictatorship.

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